The pain in my little finger on my left hand is what is most irritating at the moment. I managed to grow my nails long enough to head in for a manicure this week, and then tonight I had the misfortune to snag the long nail and bend it backwards well into the quick. That's right - "OUCH!"
So now all my nails are neatly trimmed and my little finger has a super glue and tape patch. This seems to be the story of my day. The manicure will have to wait.
I'm learning to adjust to working primarily from my home as my office. I completely don't miss the commute that I used to drive when I worked in a Minneapolis office. But I do miss social interaction with adults during the day. When my introverted husband wants to relax and watch TV when he gets home, I'm ready to escape the house and do something with friends.
But my schedule for travel is erratic and unpredictable. I have to notify all my friends when I am home. It seems I have to convene the Wednesday night Mug Club crew when I'm around if I don't want to sit at Green Mill alone. I don't know why we can't all just show up on Wednesdays if we're around. Yet that social gig doesn't trip every one's trigger, so sometimes I feel as though I'm pestering folks when I text everyone.
I love heading out in my boat - but that doesn't trip every one's trigger either. And I don't want people to feel obligated to offer me gas money or buy me beer when they're out on my boat. If I invited them, they're my guests with no expectations! But again, that leaves the burden on me to make the call and extend the invitation. And I'm feeling like I'm wearing out my welcome. No one calls and says, "Hey it's a beautiful night. Any chance you're going out on the river?" I guess that's risky - I might not be home or I might have other plans.
But my friends haven't been calling me. And I'm noticing that. I also know that I'm feeling a little melancholy about my youngest departing for college this Saturday. I'm excited for him, but once he's out the door that leaves me pretty much all alone most days in the office in my big old house. I have introverted and busy friends. And I think I'm going to need them - but I hate asking for special notice or attention.
I don't do very well alone. But I also hate being a high maintenance friend.
So in the midst of my little pity party I completely blew it tonight. I feel like such a turd.
When Dale got home I was still on the phone with technical support to fix my Blackberry. At the conclusion of my 72 minute session with Marshall from RIM, Dale asked if we had plans. I said we didn't and he suggested he might go start mowing the cemetery. Great - that leaves me HOME ALONE for the evening. So I said I would rather head out on the river in the boat on such a beautiful night. He agreed so we rounded up the dog and headed for Red Wing.
It was a perfect evening for boating if a little windy. But the temperature was warm and the sky was clear. We headed up river for our favorite little island sandbar just below the dam above Red Wing. Just as we finished throwing out an anchor my cell phone buzzed with a text message.
7:44 pm Mary: Where are you?
7:54 pm Me, the Smart Ass: Just below Lock and Dam #3. Where are you?
7:56 pm Mary: I am at the Princess's house for her party.
7:58 pm Me, the Schmuck: Completely forgot! Was sitting around feeling lonely and decided not to wait for a friend to call and dragged my husband out on my boat. I'm such an idiot. Please tell the Princess I am very sorry.
8:00 pm Mary: She totally understands. See you later.
8:00 pm Me, Tail Between My legs: Thank you!
So as I was feeling neglected and sorry for myself, I COMPLETELY blew my opportunity to hang out with my best friends. Princess Kathy had invited us to a Pampered Chef party. I had promised not only to show up, but to purchase stuff, too. I am such a loser. I failed to write it down and failed to enter it into my Blackberry calendar with a scheduled reminder. I think I was supposed to be there at 6:30. Come to think of it, I think I had made tentative arrangements to ride with a friend.
And no one called me to confirm a carpool over to Princess Kathy's. Hmmmm. . . . .
There I go again - feeling sorry for myself.
I just hate to be a burden. But the truth is, I need my friends right now. This extrovert, brave as she seems, is struggling with life transitions right now. I try not to intrude upon the lives of my introverted peeps. I try to be respectful and supportive of all the things my friends are dealing with - deployments, unemployment, depression, anxiety, addictions, divorces, children, work . . . . . we all have issues. But I LOVE my friends. I try not to be a burden - except during October. I live in fear that all my friends will resign from volunteering in the costume shop all at the same time. I don't know the solution. I just pray that it sorts itself out.
The good news is that at least it was a beautiful night out on the river. Nessie enjoyed herself and Dale and I were visited by several American Bald Eagles, Great Blue Herons, and a beautiful Osprey. And Princess Kathy has had to cancel on me a time or two. She is very understanding and forgiving. But I still feel like Eeyore.I'm sorry friends! I'll try and shape up. This just doesn't feel like me. I'm out of sorts. The other good news is that I don't play Eeyore very well. Pooh or Tigger are more my style. I just hope my Tigger hasn't overwhelmed you and driven you away. I'll find my Pooh again . . . . promise. :)
Cell phone photo of the moon following the sun at Twilight from our dock on Trenton Island across the Mississippi River from Red Wing, Minnesota.
Posts
